Bonkers and best friends / Franny
Silly me thinking Bonkers was a dog. I never imagined Bonkers being a cat. I know that John was a lover of John Irving (my favorite book ever is A Prayer for Owen Meany). I romantically thought that someone had a dog named Bonkers after the Pearcy's dog that bit Garp.
Was there recently a wedding celebration in Miami? I know Nicole mentioned it a while back and I thought it was sometime in June. If so, did you party like it was 1999? I remember an email I got from John before Y2K and he used that corny line. I also remember one he sent me after being in France and finding ashtrays in the elevators. To quote John: "I'm home, I sighed." Whenever we went to a restaurant and they asked smoking or non smoking, we would reply EXTRA SMOKING. We always sat at the counter at the Melrose. Smoking was mandatory at the counter. The waitresses served food with a butt hanging out of their mouths. Chipped beef and Marlboro lights for me. French toast and sausage and Marlboro reds for John.
I try to live my life so that I have no regrets. The one regret I do have however, is that I wasn't a big picture taker. Being in a drunken haze for most of my 20's, I doubt I would have been able to keep track of a camera. Since I had kids, that changed things for me. I want to be able to document their life for them so they can see themselves as they grow. I wish I had a picture of John and me. Please flatter me and tell me that you may have found one. Or two? If not, it's okay. I have plenty in my mind's eye.
Some people may live their whole lives and not find good, true friends. I am lucky in that I have my same friends for over 40 years. I lost Jerry but he's still around. John was also my friend. And even though I hadn't had much recent contact with him, it will never erase the time we spent together being best friends. The thing about good true friends, is they make everyone feel like they are their best friend. I will never forget how John made me feel. He will always stay in my heart. "We're dancing for the restless and the brokenhearted..." Close
Bonkers, as his story begins, was a cute Himalayan cat with of course Blue eyes who changed our lives forever. Because of him, I will never see an animal or thing on this Earth the same. He was our family, and a gift from what has created us, as I know we are still linked together for all eternity. Uncle John had him for many years, and in the millions of papers and notes I have from my dear Uncle, I see vet bills, and constant reminders of how much he cared for this cat. Franny, I will post a picture on this site, as they are together now! Bonkers lived a crazy life, damaged as his family, yet healed through them. Luis was one of the last to touch him and Uncle John. Not Luis, but my Luis, they both said "Good Bye" to him, because they knew that Luis would have to take care of me. Even though he can not fully understand their meaning to me, he feels their weight on my soul. Bonkers was, and will always be, the most beautiful "pet" anyone could be so honored to have. He was too cool for words, just as Uncle John has always been. They belonged together from day one. When Uncle John lived with him, or vise versa, they napped together religiously. "Their beauty sleep", if you will.... Together forever.... The power of remembrance gets me every time. I can not believe that the few I lost, were so powerfully intertwined. The story has no end, which I know anyway. It’s too powerful, and they are together. So, Franny yes, Bonkers was our cat, and still is, and most importantly was Uncle John's. He was named “kitty litter”, but had a much bigger destiny. I lost him to be with my Uncle. They were soul mates, too cool for anyone else. So independent, so something I can not understand. Only the people that knew them could “get it”, although never be able to put it into words. If only you could see their eyes, you would see what we all always had.
Nate-like and David and Maddie / Franny
Was there ever a better scene in TV than Nate in the white suit singing, "I just wanna celebrate?" Only in Claire's dreams...
I was at the pool tonight and had my Sirius on the 80's channel. First Simple Minds singing Don't you forget about me, then Cyndi singing Time after Time but the real goosebumpy moment came when they played a snippet from 80's TV.
Some walk by night, Some fly by day. Nothing could change you, Set and sure of the way.
Charming and bright, Laughing and gay. I'm just a stranger, Love the Blues and the Braves.
There is the sun and moon Facing their old, sweet tune. Watch them when dawn is due Sharing one space.
Some walk by night, Some fly by day. Something is sweeter When you meet 'long the way. Close
So, Franny rightfully cast you as Mr. Big in many of our episodes. And boy howdy, did you fit the role (and fill out a suit) like him. You two also shared a disdain for traffic -- if only we could have found a driver for the ex-Lex or the Ford Focus!
But, I have to wonder (she types, so very un-Carrie-like on a big ol honkin' desktop PC, no cocking her head upward, or crossing her legs behind her, beach-blanket style and NO flimsy nightie or cup of tea -- just a diet sunkist and beagle 'give pee a chance" t-shirt) -- anyway, she has to wonder if you're even too big for Big. He, finally, got tied down or at least happily tethered. You, on the other hand, have left us all wanting, reaching for you like those cliched balloons that got away in the show's promo.
OK. Snap out of it.
You were always more a Brenda than a Mr. Big, anway.
But the loss of you has been Nate-like, to carry through the HBO metaphor on this Sunday night.
Which one are you? / Franny (lady friend )
Carrie, Samantha, Miranda or Charlotte? I saw the movie 2 times. The first time by myself so I could absorb every word and dress and pair of fabulous shoes. The second time to see if I would like it as much as the first time. I did. I got to thinking which girl am I most like. I think that everyone is a combination. I am a Miranda with the Carrie love of shoes. After all, what girl doesn't love shoes. I was a Samantha back in the day when it was okay to be a Samantha. You were the Smith to my Samantha. I think the only similarity to Charlotte is the whole conversion to Jewess thing.
One thing I really loved about the audience was that there were so many old broads or "Janies" after Ginger's grandmother. Old sluts - fabulous! There was also the required amount of gay boys. I called Joey Connor to tell him that he is my Stanford Blatch. I was going over in my head which of the characters Jerry would be. Definitely Samantha. I think you would be a combination of Carrie for your fashioness, Miranda for the clever dialog and Anthony Marintino for the "don't give me any of your bullsh*t" snap.
Then there is Big. Everyone has had a Big in their life. You will always be Big to the fans. Me being one of your biggest. Close
Back to when I didn't know you yet / Amanda Long Read >>
Back to when I didn't know you yet / Amanda Long
So I've spent the last year reinventing myself or trying to unsuccessfully. I think I thought that the Mandy who sells $84 wicking yoga pants and freelances from home might not miss John as much as the Miss Long who sat two inches from him at work (and sometimes wore yoga pants disguised as palazzo-pant Friday wear at said job). But after dancing around the shop with a bunch of gay boys and stealing drinks of contraband Diet Coke in the alley behind Lululemon, I only missed you more because I had to tell everyone about what they were missing by never knowing you. Then I figured (or more like flung myself into thinking) that maybe if I became a crusading ironic t-shirt wearing consumer advocate there would be NO way I could miss you as much as the Amanda who made fun of crusading, ironic t-shirt wearing consumer advocates -- with you chiming in on their hummus breath and chuck taylors (bought at TARGET!!) between puffs as we walked through your neighborhood full of nonprofit employers. But of course, the hypocrisy was so rich only you would appreciate it -- and the dysfunction so thick and familial familiar that only you could recognize it -- that every time I stepped outside for a breath of holier-than-thou free air, I stepped right onto your Connecticut Ave. Where I promptly looked up and down the street for your swagger. So onward -- and upward, huh? Why not go completely S & M professionally and take a job that I know the editors tried to lure you into taking a few years ago. Only you refused because you're smarter and working at the Business Journal was good and was only getting better (of course, working at the business journal was better -- you were still at the business journal so it was better! Duh). That high wire act was the worst. If ever I needed a hug, slutty-dance second or to make an inappropriate comment about a coworkers man boobs on the elevator down to CVS -- or hell just an eyelash bat from the dark-eyed pharmacist there, it was at that job. It wasn't even worth the one Tracy Ullman sighting it got me -- really John. And I'm not just name dropping. Well I am, but really you're being dead ruined my big Circus with the Stars night too. My correspondence on the correspondents, as droll as I tried to make it, seemed to missing a key audience member -- I mean, c'mon: The color contrast in Jenny McCarthy's alabaster boob and her orange back-makeuped skin is something you could better describe than me. So, now I'm back at the job I had before I even knew you. The job is good. But, really all I can think is: How did I ever survive without a friend like John in my life? Close
Sudden endless spiral fall into abysmal darkness Only chaos and Pandemonium reigns Colossal towering cliffs and the darkest sea above When muted, sinister rapture darkness brought It’s only glimmer a dissipating now unreachable flame Gathering the bruised severed pieces of what we once were to be once again whole Unwilling stringed puppets of mighty forces, battle of will faith and destiny Torturous insatiable flesh eating monster with eternal appetite our guardian Should we climb the steep, jagged sharp walls? Stripped of all hope dragging an armor of despair? Confront our foe with mighty resignation or innocently and willingly give ourselves to thee again? What’s ahead we do not know for our destiny to us is uncertain What is now is better than the unknown not what was Have we not fought every battle with honor and valor? In return rewarded by being sentenced to this present misery, this immortal death Unknown inherited sin worthy of His merciful and cruel wrath Could there have been a more tolerable punishment? Who could orchestrate such sadistic revenge? For my sin is unknown For what purpose, if not for the complete obliteration of the human soul? Evolving…deceiving…fleecing promises Which one is just? Alone warrior among an enormous army Solitary journey bearing impaled bleeding opened scars of battles With every step deepens the pain while new ones ripped through the soared skin Blinded with eye lids sown shut Slowly marching through darkness, to our certain destiny carrying our cross Coward victor, face our blades of agony our only sword Gather your forces strong for that triumphant night shall come When the fainting over the mighty shall conquer thee with love We will fight until death and surrender to a battle already lost, a victory already known Until then we hold forward, nursing our wounds and heavy souls Enduring defiant eternal death for your amusement until by your mercy reborn For what must we surrender but our own? Nothing is ours to give but only to be judged Close
So my birthday is on Sundayyyyy! First birthday withouttt you! All I can remember is you, moms, and mom mom's laugh at the table, with a cloud of smoke and it was perfect! You would make it to all of our proms, birthdays, graduations, surguries etc. Well you better and i mean u HAVE to be there . You always made me feel so special, hell you made everyone you even glanced at or talked to feel special, but please give me that moment i know your there , just for me . I cherish now more than ever life and even silly moments, you gotta when you now know what could happen. Well I never thought I would turn 23! NEVER! But here I am and where are you? Can't wait to see you ! (by the way, its Tuesday May 20th almost one in the morning, on my laptop, i pod on , dog on the bottom of my bed , wish it was bonkies to , and feeling you and seeing you sing this song vividly in my room , its scarey how i know you are around) How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty !!!!!! Your sooooo cuteee ! I love when you would dance and sing , so adorable you! Ok OK OK , so this is what you are singing... Now picture this... Im not sad happy i know your here but you come out more with music:)
YOU : in my room singing this part and dancing in front of the mirror but looking back at me .
I'm waking up at the start if the end of the world, but it's feeling just like every other morning before, Now i wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone, the cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and i started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye, Can you tell me wha was really special about me all this time?
ME: On my bed with looking at you. I believe the world is burning to the ground, oh well i guess we will find out, let's see how far we've come, well i believe it's all coming to an end. I think it turned 10 o'clock, but i don't remeber caring for an hour or so , Starting crying and I couldn't stop myself, started running but theres no where to run to.
YOU: on your knees in front of me with a fake microphone ,im standing on my bed dancing.(like britney) lol
'its gone,gone, gone baby it's all gone, theres is no one on the corner and theres no one at home, it's cool cool baby it's was JUST COOL" Now its over for ME and its over for YOU<3
You may not know, but Uncle John was my Godfather. This honorary title was bestowed to him, and I often joked about my lack of faith due to his. He was clearly not living up to his duties in the Catholic Church, as he often told me that he did not belive in God. He would say, "Honey that is a myth." So how did he fulfill his role to me as "Godfather"? I tried to look for this answer many years ago when I saw the movie the "Godfather". Although Uncle John was and always will be the coolest person I know, we were no Italian Mafia family, that's for sure. O.K. maybe on my Dad's side, but that's a long story. Nevertheless, I don't remember any religious education given to me from my Uncle, aside from his atheist beliefs, which always and still makes me laugh. I do demonstrate a good point that more than several times I was given crosses from him. And dispite his keen fashion sense, I did always believe that the crosses he gave me, he faithfully wore, and gave to many others, had a much deeper meaning. He even brought my sisters and I a rosary back from Rome, blessed by the Pope. He never let on to believe in God, and he certainly was not religious, but his spirituality came though him in everything, especially his eyes! As I always complained to my mother, as I struggled through my teen years, I was desperate for my Uncle's guidance. I always have and will look up to him, as he was the most successful and fulfilled person that will ever come into my life. So I would often complain that he didn't offer me more suggestions on how I should live my life. As I imagine to myself his beautiful soul resting in heaven, probably curled up with Bonkers and a good book, I cry and then smile. As we are all sad for ourselves to be without him, I know that he is smiling upon us when we are, and crying with us as we do. I will try to stop the crying so that we may smile until we meet again. I can only imagine the feeling to see him again; the most joyful experience I could ever imagine. So yes my dear Uncle G.G., it was you in the end that has provided me with the most personal development I could have ever achieved. Thank you for all of the crosses; I will hold them thinking of you and our faith. I love you forever.
"loveyoumeanit"/ Baby Angel
In lieu of Valentines Day, I can’t stop thinking about my Uncle being such a romantic. How could you not be when you are down right gorgeous? He was always looking for love, or something to be in love with. His passion saw right through so many things, and carried him through every moment. He had so much love to give, and he gave it again and again. One thing I learned from him after all this time is to hug and kiss everyone when saying goodbye. Something so simple is one of the last memories I have of him. Thank you Uncle John.
And that “loveyoumeanit” bullshit that he used as his signature was hilarious and sarcastic, but every time he said it or wrote it, he really did mean it. Close
Lordy, lordy, lordy Is John McCalla 40? / Franny Read >>
Lordy, lordy, lordy Is John McCalla 40? / Franny
I'm not much for candles with the San Diego fires and all, so I'll post. Gary told me before I moved here to not flip ciggies because I could burn down 20,000 acres. Happy birthday, sweet friend. I know there are swarms of people wandering around out there wishing they could say that in person. I am one. I also know that for the short time you were here, you left such a mark on those same wanderers that will never be erased. I put my thoughts here and hope that if this is just one leg of the journey, maybe we will sit together on the next leg. In first class of course, with great music playing and non-stop champagne and they never lose your bags. I think of you often and I remember and I smile. Close
I remember after work one night, we were both in the mood for a movie. What to see? Hey, there's a new flick out called Dirty Dancing. Let's go. The opening with shots of kids dancing with Be My Baby (Moonlighting reference) should have been an indication of how much we were going to love this movie. His name was Johnny Castle. Her name was Baby Houseman (real name Frances after the first woman in the cabinet). Johnny and Frances, hmm. On the walk home, we came to the conclusion that if they got married, her name would be Baby Castle. Another night we laughed all the way home over something really stupid. But hey, isn't that what friends always laugh about? I'm writing this because I just watched it. Luckily the kids don't have school and they slept late so I got to enjoy every moment of it in peace and quiet. It was nice to pull out my John memory book. I'll never see it or hear "I've had the time of my life" and not associate it with you and laughing. Just one of many pages in that book. Close
More for Nicole / Franny
760-602-0009 home or 760-576-9290 cell. I remember you as a little girl - maybe 5 or so. I remember your mom and I remember Mary. I remember telling John when I met all of you that he came from a family of beautiful women. I know about the toe and the whole bathroom thing with your mom. I can still smell him. Close
All of You Great People / Nicole
What's almost as interesting as my Uncle John is all of his friends. You are all so intriguing, as he has described, and makes him the person he is or was? Well, I know his family made him pretty unique, but all of you well, amazing. Carla I have missed you since Cape May. Guiles no one will ever know how much you’ve meant to my Uncle, because it’s too much. Clown, thanks for making him laugh. And Franny, how I wish I had the chance to really know you. Amanda I am so thankful you were there for him. Only all of you know how much of an impact He has made on all of us. At least I am not alone in that. I can not find the strength to honor his life now, as I can not come to terms with his loss. I will be in P-town, and I will live my life the way he has, for both of us.
Another Auld Lang Sygn / Franny (friend)
I celebrated for/with you. Did the parade thang on New Year's Day. Met up with Judy and Nancy on Saturday afternoon. Did the more intimate serenade on Saturday night. Had a moment of silence as I raised my glass for your anniversary and Jerry's birthday. I disco danced and then did it again. Don't take away the music. Every thing else is gone - don't strip my world of a song. I wish I still had two of my best "girlfriends" to share some laughs. I took you with me as I take him every year. But don't worry. The load didn't weigh me down at all... I wish I could call you both. You are never far from my thoughts or my heart. Love, love, love to my FLB. Close
Do you belive in Santa Claus? / Nicole
Uncle John loved Christmas; let's be serious, he loved anything that involved presents. He was the cheerleader of Christmas. I know that this Christmas retail is slow, unfortunately I work in it. But it's not the economy, it's not the housing market, and it's not the uncertainty of the new presidential race. It's John McCalla. That's right analysts, its one man bringing down the entire Stock Exchange! The man that was there during it all, when Santa brought Jackie a new black puppy and MOST of all BONKERS, the most beautiful cat to have ever lived. Yep Uncle John was there, assisting, watching, and making everyone laugh. That was his BEST present to us, laughter. He always had something hilarious to say, and it was irreplaceable. No one has, nor ever will be like him. And when I get the saddest I have ever been I think of how he told me that someone did not want to "lie to children" and tell them that there was a Santa. It makes me laugh, because Uncle John brought Santa to us all. Even if it was presents were brought by my mother franticly days before. Whoever was with John during what was the best time of the year just knew. And that my friends, is why this year, nor will the rest will ever be the same. Christmas died with Uncle John; it is not anything else but that, and do not expect any upcoming years to be anything like we've known before. Close
Still looking for you / Audrey Hepburn
I saw you just once and I made this habit of looking for you in DC when I walked around the streets, maybe to tell my friend I saw you, maybe just to be able to say hi. You know, now I look for you here in Brazil, can you believe it? Found no one as charming so far. Close
I miss standing before you and looking into your eyes, wiping off your sweat, your tears; miss your smile, and your laughter. I miss the warmth I got from seeing you walk towards me with a big smile on your face.
I miss looking forward to meeting you, to coming home, miss your voice, miss seeing you in the mornings on the couch while reading the paper and having coffee. I miss your angel pose and our silly animal noises, I miss dancing at home with you. I miss your hands and your wisdom. I miss your plans, your writing, and your notes. I miss holding you.
I want to forget it all and not forget a second of any moment. I miss you in my life; I miss your love and loving you. I know you knew my heart…but truly hope you see it all clear now I miss the joy you brought to my life that also left with you. I miss home.
I can not comprehend why and still struggle for answers. Why did it have to happen this way? Why you? Why us?
I want to know where you are. I want to see you, a chance to talk to you for at least one last time. I want one more time just one more time. I love you baby with all my heart.
I look forward to the day when holding hands, we’ll fly away